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Recipe to breaking your own heart

November 05,2018 0 comments

One of my childhood friend’s WhatsApp status reads, "Lower your expectations." Expecting too much from others will leave us disappointed and unhappy in life. Having misplaced expectations in our family, friends, colleagues, lovers, wives, husbands and even relationships can only lead to one thing, painful heartbreaks. Always check where you can place your trust: it is not every time that you can entrust your life, time and energy to someone who doesn't deserve it and expect the same energy in return. Shift your focus on what matters. However, here are some sure ways of getting your heart broken:

Expecting people to drop everything for you.

The world does not revolve around you. People will not always show up at your beck and call. Do not expect people to drop everything they are doing to cater for your needs at the time you want them done. If roles were changed, would you be willing to trade your resource, energy and time to cater to another person's needs?

Expecting someone to complete you.

Your boyfriend, mother, sister, brother cousin, lover, best friend, classmate or spouse will not complete you. Nobody will ever complete you. You have to figure out ways to open yourself and see the immaculate magnificence in your sense of self. Build your own self.  Complete yourself. You're complete.  Believe you are. Nourish yourself to fulfilment. The journey starts with you.

Expecting others to reaffirm your value.

You have to accord yourself the respect first. You honestly do not expect people to respect you yet you do not value yourself. How do you expect the world not to look down upon you yet you always give the world all the reason to look down upon you. When it comes to love and respect, you have to be the first person to offer them to yourself.

Expecting to find happiness in others.

If you were to earn a dollar every time you met someone who was responsible for your own happiness, you would be broke right now. Nobody is responsible for your own happiness. Working on your own self is your sole responsibility. In life, we meet people who make us smile, people who make us feel loved, people who light up our world and people who make us feel wanted. Hanging around cheerful people may lighten you up for a few minutes but it will not give you the inner happiness and peace that you are looking for. It only momentarily distracts you from your gloom but later you will sink back to the pit of misery.

Expecting to get approval from people.

At one point in life, we have knowingly or unknowingly sought to get approval and affirmation from the wrong people. It is totally human. But you have to put more faith and value on yourself to the extent that you boost your self-esteem. As long as your self-esteem is below average, even validations and praises from the people around you may never be enough.

Expecting people to always be there.

There are people that will always be there for you. However, life always comes with different tides and winds and it might end up distorting the assurance of such safety. Life may toss them away from you and hence they may not be there for you all the time. We usually don't understand this that's why when the people we expected to be there for us fail to hold us up, the wounds are so deep beyond our control. We feel so let down.

Expecting others to meet your needs.

This is for the people who want to have things that they cannot afford or have things they do not want to spend on. Be ready to pay your own bills when you decide to go out with your friends. Do not forget that you also have to know how you will find your way back home. There is no need to propose a date when your sole purpose is too burdensome else financially if they had not offered to foot ghetto bill.

Expecting kindness to be reciprocated.

You boundlessly pour out your kindness and gratitude to people and they end up spitting on your face in return. A famous song says,  'tenda wema, nenda zako.' When you do a good deed to someone, do not expect the same measure of the good back. My favourite RnB singer, Chris Brown, says "these h*es ain't loyal." We always expect people to be loyal to us as we were to them. Then they prove us wrong. Paying us in heartbreaks and pain. Teach yourself not to trust too much. However, it does not mean you should be heartless. If people do not trust you the same way you treated them, just pick up yourself and leave them behind.  

Deogracious Oliech Oginga

Where there is a will there is a way..

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