In Kenya women outnumber men and it is pretty clear that men like to get laid, so the side chick phenomenon is inevitable. Men are like parking spaces, all the good ones have already been taken and so women will have to learn to 'share.' Just like we have many men who are in the friend zone trying to get out of it, we have many women trying to get out of the "side zone." They do realize that the main chick gets all the romantic dinners, the expensive gifts, the vacations, the love and the respect. Sooner or later they would want to be in that position too. However, men have refused to leave their wives for them despite the side chicks trying all the tricks in the books like:
- Having the right conversation with the man to gain some emotional compatibility. Trying to show the man that they are good for more than "just sex."
- Looking good around the man. Putting all effort to impress the man. They are so eager to dress up and retain his allure. Always looking perfect and oozing of pure sex appeal.
However, this begs the old age question, why do husbands never leave their wives? This is a very opinionated topic that continues to haunt many marriages and relationships. As many try to explain this ‘phenomenon,’ in detail, one thing is crystal clear, men want to have their cake and eat it. Men who cheat do not necessarily want a breakup with their wives and longtime partners when they are looking for a lover. Those who chose to go outside their marriage do so because they are just selfish and simply need some adventure outside their marriage. However, husbands do not leave their wives for the 'fun' side chicks despite their philandering ways. These may be the reasons why:
He truly and deeply loves his wife.
If he really loves you as much as he claims he does, then, he should have left his wife already. But, has he? The true reason he married her is because he loves her deeply and he saw a bright future with her. Despite their challenges, he still leaves you and goes back home to her. If he truly loved you as his mistress, he should be have been willing to sacrifice his family and wife to be with you regardless of the consequences that may follow his actions. The reason you are still waiting for him to leave his wife after being involved with you for three years running is because he doesn’t want to leave her for you. He might end up in your sheets, but he will still go back to his wife. A side chick will always be the other woman, and that is all she will ever be. She will continue wasting her time on a man who will never be hers even in a million years to come. But of course, she will still have high hopes and build castles in the air.
The man might just be in need of a break from the routine family and marriage life.
Men don’t cheat with the intention of leaving their wives for their side chicks. They look at it as simple sex between two consenting adults or as an arrangement where two adults are benefiting. This package, however, does not come with an attachment, neither do they expect commitment. They don't expect you to think it was 'something serious.' In his mind, he has justified his actions as no big deal hence his decision to be unfaithful. He is not looking for love he is just looking for someone to vent their frustrations and stress to. They may just be craving for something different from the normal life they have at home and do not expect the side chick to "catch feelings" in return.
Men value their children.
Despite his cheating, men stay so they can give their children a stable family life. This is most especially if he did not have a stable family while growing up. Even if he is not getting along with his wife, his children will make him commit to his marriage. That means he has his priorities set right and he is not backing out on his marriage because of the good sex that side chicks offer. He will try, through the thick and thin to make sure he stays as long as he can just so that his children may not use him as an example in a testimony of bad parenting. It would not be the joy of any parent to have his or her child grow up in a broken family. So husbands prefer staying in the marriage. Children tend to model what they see in their parents' marriage. Certainly, a parent who wants better for his kids, the husband chooses to stay in the marriage.
Truth be told, divorce is too messy.
To be honest, no one gets married with the intentions of getting divorced. It’s not like you walk down the aisle thinking you will probably be in the midst of a messy divorce in a few years. In fact, most people envision a long, happy life with the “love of their life.” Unfortunately, life does not always turn out as you expect. In fact, life, love, and marriage rarely coincide with your expectations. Divorce cases are ugly just to say the least. No one in their right minds wants to go through that pain and stress of divorce if they can prevent it. If he can hide the affair from his wife and continue parading as an upright and faithful man he can keep both his wife and the other woman happy. If the arrangement is working and no one is complaining then why would he want to put himself through0 a divorce just for a side chick?