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silence is not an option

April 12,2018 0 comments

Marriage, commitment, vows, they all run across the same street, all of them. All connected to each other in one way or the other. The thought of marriage has definitely crossed everyone’s mind at one point or the other, both in hope or contempt/ different people have different experiences and therefore, different perspectives. The thought of a life partner could be a little scary don’t you think. It can be hard to believe in forever. Promises can be broken easily you know. But they say if you search carefully, you can always find that perfect person that was meant for you. You then realize later that they were barely made for you and that is where the never-ending feuds begin and the dilemma between holding on and walking out becomes apparent. If you decide to hold on, is there a guarantee your partner will change? And if you walk out, is there hope for greener pastures or for healing?

“I used to think that maybe he would become a better person. That one day he would get over his ferocity and maybe, just maybe even come begging for my forgiveness. Yes, I was young and naïve, but all I wanted was a complete family for my children.” A divorced single mother cried. An affected child would also say, “My mother was always the victim. But she was both a fighter and a survivor. She should have left sooner. I was home when daddy once beat her for a reason even I, a grade seven child would understand. I could swear it was a night shift job, but he accused her of infidelity and she ended up with bruises and a black eye. He misjudged her. He was my father, but I decided I could neither trust nor let him or any other man for that matter.”

Domestic violence is on the rise. I am left wondering if we have run short of tolerance or of understanding, or both. Marriage is a binding commitment. A promise to stand by each other in all situations. Sadly, it seems things are only getting worse. Families are breaking. The youth are afraid to start their families. If it isn’t brutal violence then it is deadly silence which is just as loud. I believe communication is very important in each and every relationship. I mean, let’s solve things together. As a couple, you need to talk, in both bad and good times. This goes beyond introversion and antisocialism.

I know of couples that go for weeks, months even, without saying a word to each other. If you are still living with both your parents in this era then you are lucky. Think of it, what good is it to live with parents who barely recognize each other’s presence, and much less each other’s whereabouts or well being? Is that what a commitment is all about? Spouses lacking respect for each other? Is it a sacrifice worth taking?

So, as a victim I am tired of this debate, it is time we decide what we want for ourselves, our children and the future generations. If we don’t find a lasting solution for family wreckage now, then we better just give it up altogether and forget about marriages in the near future. Who would see pain and suffering and run straight into its jaws? Marriage, commitment and family are not supposed to sound like danger, a hoax or a threat. The family should be where we find solace and not the place we run from. We don’t choose to be family, but if we are family then we had better chose to be friends. If friendship is an option, then lets at least make it our first priority.


Nixon Ouko

Ignorance is no defence.Live like you'll die tommorrow but learn like you'll live forever.

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